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to Ask for Better Sex
Improve Their Sexual
of the most difficult things couples tackle in the bedroom is
how to ask for their sexual needs to be met, especially when
your partner is lacking in technique or even enthusiasm. It
happens to both men and women and we can assure you that it
is quite a common concern for many couples. However, the good
news is that most people are more receptive then you may think.
Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality
CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS
Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.
a world that is filled with superficial sexuality without
much emphasis on authentic communication about it, many suffer
in silence. It can cause emotional suffering and relationship
conflicts that can become so bad that it ends in the couple
splitting up. That is why this is such an important subject
and why we will review with you some things you can do to
make communication go more smoothly when it comes to sex.
Questions During Non-Sexual Moments
of the best ways to open someone to a conversation is
to ask questions sincerely and in a non-pressured environment.
At the core, everyone wants to feel understood and taking
time to ask your lover what excites them, delights them
and even to delve into their fantasies is a good place
to start. Remember not to come from a place of judgment,
rather, allow them the space to speak freely about their
Them Your Desires
your own desires by telling your lover about your fantasies
with them. You can start off by describing how much
you would love to get away with them to a romantic location
and then go into the details of all the fun you would
have. Perhaps this can even open up a conversation about
how to make these things a reality.
Hurting Their Feelings
you are not going to want to say something about a former
lover, so tell them that you fantasize about them doing those
things to you. Do this because it is the truth and it avoids
the potential pain of comparison to another lover.
try not to criticize your partner by expressing things from
a negative vantage point. By telling them what you desire
rather than what you feel you aren't getting allows your partner
to feel like they are being approached in a respectful way
rather than insulted.
partner is doing something wonderful, then encourage them
by praising them or telling them how much you love it. Positive
reinforcement is much more effective at creating intimacy
than criticisms. You can encourage everything from the way
they do something to their moans. Making them feel appreciated
is a good way to make them want to do more and be more creative
A Romantic Setting
something as simple as lighting candles,
playing erotic music
and introducing things like massage
oils, special lubricants
and massagers allows you to create
a mood of relaxation and romance. Doing these things also
allows your partner to feel pampered and invites them to pamper
you as well.
An Adult Game
partner is extremely passive you may want to introduce an
adult game that will allow
you to play together and both give and receive. One of our
most popular is the Fantasy & Romance Adult Game. There are
many from those that are card games to board games. These
games allow for an adventure for both of you.
One of the most
important things to consider is the golden rule. Treating them as
you would want to be treated by being respectful, encouraging and
proactive is the best course of action. After all, don't you feel
encouraged to be better at something the more someone gives you
Creating a space
where you approach things as a couple will allow you to feel more
connected and create deeper intimacy and better sex.